When everyone else is sleeping.

When there's nothing but quiet all around me.

When darkness surrounds me.

I think of you.

I still remember, even though you think I've forgotten. Memories are hard to erase.

And so I think of you.

I don't miss you.

But remembering fill the silence.

xx,

BakerGirl

How soon is too soon?

You should always allow time to mourn over a lost relationship. Or should you?

How do you decide how much time you should take off before you move on?

At the end of last year my friend was in this situation where she had broken up with her boyfriend. Two months later, she found someone else, someone she felt that she really liked, someone she thought there might be a future with. But she felt unsure whether or not to take it to the next level because she was afraid of what people might say, that it was too soon. Nevertheless, she decided to take the chance and they're still happily together about half a year on. But what if she didn't? What if she decided not to just because it was "too soon"?

What is "too soon"? When did we let social obligations decide our hearts? Have we all really started to let others decide on what should be a decision made between two people and no one else?

Sure, It'll be hard. So people will talk. But tough. People love gossip it's a fact. But eventually, there's a new juicy scandal for packs of wolves to feast on. You just have to tough it out.

Would you really rather let someone slip through your grasp instead of taking the chance to see how far the two of you could go, just because you're worried about what people think?

Do you really think there is a "too soon"?

I don't. Your heart knows when you're ready, no one else can decide that for you.


xx
BakerGirl

Rain rain go away.

There is no win win situation when I should be studying for finals.

If it's bright and sunny, I want to be out playing by the lakeside.

Now it's been raining for like 3 days straight, I'm just dark, gloomy and lethargic. Don't blame me I'm just keeping the weather company.

It's time for the sun to come back out. Pretty please?

Although, there is something strangely soothing about watching dark clouds rolling by whenever I look out of the window. I could just stare for hours.

I am such a procrastinator.


xx
BakerGirl

Moving On...

.. is so much harder than it looks. I mean sure, it looks hard. But it's harder than hard.

You say I'm too afraid to admit that I still love you. I am. And I do.

I'm a coward. You know that. I always take the easy way out. So I tell you I don't love you anymore. I do. I still do.

The past is hard to shake off. Yes, you did mean a lot to me. You still mean a lot to me. Three years does not just get erased, no matter what you say.

We're over but there are times, when I feel like I'm cheating on you, even when I'm not. And then I sink into darkness.

But each time I plummet, deep down, I still feel like what I choese to do was right. Call me selfish, I think I'm selfish. So selfish that I've moved on, that I've started on a journey with someone else. It's true that I don't know where I'm going yet, but you don't have to make me feel bad about the adventure.

You always did know how to push my buttons. To take me on an emotional rollercoaster. You took me to the greatest heights, to the deepest abyss.

Be angry. You have every right to be. But you have no right to question who I choose to see after you. You have no right to call him an ugly SOB, to say that it won't last, to say that eventually I'll go back to you. You have no right to make me feel guilty. Yes, you make me feel guilty.

"You only feel guilty because you know you're doing something you'll regret." Maybe I will. But it's still MY decision. Even if it's a mistake, it will be MY mistake.

You'll always mean a lot to me. Don't push me even further away by what you're doing now.

I'm trying to move on to a new chapter of my life. You should as well. I wish I could help, but whenever I try, you start all over again.

Enough with all the mind games.


xx,
BakerGirl


P.S.
I make you sound like a monster, you're anything but. You're an amazing, wonderful person, I meant what I said when I said I was proud of what you had become.

I do believe that you love me with all your heart. But I will not take something I can't give back in return.

Regrets.

We all have them.

But is it really regret? Or just fear of letting go of the comforting blanket of security, of knowing, to move into the unknown.

Are you afraid of the unknown? I know I am.

Sometimes I feel like just turning back. But I've made the leap so forwards is the only way to go.

xx,
BakerGirl

Service With A Smile....

Somehow, I've never gotten used to being called 'Darling', 'Sweetheart' or 'Babe' while I'm working behind the bar.

Call me old-fashioned but hello, I'd like some respect?

Still, I smile. =)

Breathe.

I'm great at customer service I'd make an excellent PR person.

No GRO remarks people.


xx,
BakerGirl

R.I.P.

And so it's done.

September 2006 - April 2008

I'm so sorry. I wanted this to work out too. More than you will ever know.


All my love, always,
BakerGirl