When everyone else is sleeping.

When there's nothing but quiet all around me.

When darkness surrounds me.

I think of you.

I still remember, even though you think I've forgotten. Memories are hard to erase.

And so I think of you.

I don't miss you.

But remembering fill the silence.

xx,

BakerGirl

How soon is too soon?

You should always allow time to mourn over a lost relationship. Or should you?

How do you decide how much time you should take off before you move on?

At the end of last year my friend was in this situation where she had broken up with her boyfriend. Two months later, she found someone else, someone she felt that she really liked, someone she thought there might be a future with. But she felt unsure whether or not to take it to the next level because she was afraid of what people might say, that it was too soon. Nevertheless, she decided to take the chance and they're still happily together about half a year on. But what if she didn't? What if she decided not to just because it was "too soon"?

What is "too soon"? When did we let social obligations decide our hearts? Have we all really started to let others decide on what should be a decision made between two people and no one else?

Sure, It'll be hard. So people will talk. But tough. People love gossip it's a fact. But eventually, there's a new juicy scandal for packs of wolves to feast on. You just have to tough it out.

Would you really rather let someone slip through your grasp instead of taking the chance to see how far the two of you could go, just because you're worried about what people think?

Do you really think there is a "too soon"?

I don't. Your heart knows when you're ready, no one else can decide that for you.


xx
BakerGirl

Rain rain go away.

There is no win win situation when I should be studying for finals.

If it's bright and sunny, I want to be out playing by the lakeside.

Now it's been raining for like 3 days straight, I'm just dark, gloomy and lethargic. Don't blame me I'm just keeping the weather company.

It's time for the sun to come back out. Pretty please?

Although, there is something strangely soothing about watching dark clouds rolling by whenever I look out of the window. I could just stare for hours.

I am such a procrastinator.


xx
BakerGirl

Moving On...

.. is so much harder than it looks. I mean sure, it looks hard. But it's harder than hard.

You say I'm too afraid to admit that I still love you. I am. And I do.

I'm a coward. You know that. I always take the easy way out. So I tell you I don't love you anymore. I do. I still do.

The past is hard to shake off. Yes, you did mean a lot to me. You still mean a lot to me. Three years does not just get erased, no matter what you say.

We're over but there are times, when I feel like I'm cheating on you, even when I'm not. And then I sink into darkness.

But each time I plummet, deep down, I still feel like what I choese to do was right. Call me selfish, I think I'm selfish. So selfish that I've moved on, that I've started on a journey with someone else. It's true that I don't know where I'm going yet, but you don't have to make me feel bad about the adventure.

You always did know how to push my buttons. To take me on an emotional rollercoaster. You took me to the greatest heights, to the deepest abyss.

Be angry. You have every right to be. But you have no right to question who I choose to see after you. You have no right to call him an ugly SOB, to say that it won't last, to say that eventually I'll go back to you. You have no right to make me feel guilty. Yes, you make me feel guilty.

"You only feel guilty because you know you're doing something you'll regret." Maybe I will. But it's still MY decision. Even if it's a mistake, it will be MY mistake.

You'll always mean a lot to me. Don't push me even further away by what you're doing now.

I'm trying to move on to a new chapter of my life. You should as well. I wish I could help, but whenever I try, you start all over again.

Enough with all the mind games.


xx,
BakerGirl


P.S.
I make you sound like a monster, you're anything but. You're an amazing, wonderful person, I meant what I said when I said I was proud of what you had become.

I do believe that you love me with all your heart. But I will not take something I can't give back in return.

Regrets.

We all have them.

But is it really regret? Or just fear of letting go of the comforting blanket of security, of knowing, to move into the unknown.

Are you afraid of the unknown? I know I am.

Sometimes I feel like just turning back. But I've made the leap so forwards is the only way to go.

xx,
BakerGirl

Service With A Smile....

Somehow, I've never gotten used to being called 'Darling', 'Sweetheart' or 'Babe' while I'm working behind the bar.

Call me old-fashioned but hello, I'd like some respect?

Still, I smile. =)

Breathe.

I'm great at customer service I'd make an excellent PR person.

No GRO remarks people.


xx,
BakerGirl

R.I.P.

And so it's done.

September 2006 - April 2008

I'm so sorry. I wanted this to work out too. More than you will ever know.


All my love, always,
BakerGirl

How do you...

...give up a relationship that's lasted three years?

There are reasons why we're still hanging on.

Because of the fear of wasted time.

Because of the fear of starting over.

Because of the fear of being alone.

I'm afraid.

It's hard, it's going to be hard, but the break up has to occur eventually.

I can't keep up this charade any longer. I'm sorry.

It's going to happen today. Courage, help me.

And help him.


xx,
BakerGirl

I have a bad habit...

... of falling for guys that I can't get. Call it the thrill of the hunt or whatever.

The obliviousness of NeighbourGuy is starting to drive me nuts.

Or maybe he knows how to play the game well.

Possibly, just possibly he's one of the nice guys out there that won't help themselves to another man's woman when given the chance.

Ah well, the chase is on. I'm not ready to settle down just yet.



xx,
BakerGirl

Lessons from Pirates of the Caribbean.

At World's End.

Will Turner: If you make your choices alone... how can I trust you?
Elizabeth Swan: You can't.

Trust. So easy to lose. So hard to regain.

xx,
BakerGirl

Navel Piercing.

It was... an interesting sort of pain. But I guess self-inflicted pain always is, somewhat. A pain you expect, one that you volountarily put yourself through, is different from lets say, an accidental cut or an unexpected oven burn.

No I'm not into S&M (as FirstStalker was commenting). It hurt, it bloody well hurt, the numbing spray or godknowswhat didn't seem to do much. But again, I knew it would hurt, and I still wanted to go through it.

Two stabs. Once to pierce the hole (with a hugeass needle), once to put the bar through. I think there was a fair bit of blood, the piercing lady kept telling me not to look until I was told to. And so I didn't.

Blood does NOT appeal to me.

To be honest, I think it hurt less than when I got my nose pierced, even though that was faster; just a loud bang from that gun-looking thingy they use to pierce ears and noses. But unlike your nose and ears, which don't move (unless you're some weirdo that can flap your ears or likes to wiggle your nose), I am now strangely aware of my navel everytime I move my body.

It's feeling rather tender now.

But I do like my new jewelry.


xx,
BakerGirl

I wish you were...

Pick one.

a) ... here.
b) ... someone else.

Because I certainly don't know how to choose now. You've pushed me to the edge, the damage has been done. I can't promise you everything will be ok this time. It may be too late to come back from this, though I want to so much. I'm trying. Help me.

Because I don't recognise myself anymore. For the last 3 years there's never been another that's been able to draw my attention away from you, no matter what shit you've put me through. You've cheated, you've told me I'm not your number one priority but I've tried to understand. I stayed to support you through that crucial stage in your life. And maybe that's what I was meant to do, set you on the right track and then move on. Through your journey, I think I lost myself. My strength has been erroded away bit by bit. I'm tired, so tired.

I don't think I have the energy to support the both of us anymore, it's up to you for now. Until I can rebuild again.


xx,
BakerGirl

Reasons not to go for classes.

Ah, Autumn.

To be fair, Autumn's long gone.

Spring should be on its way but the weather's being its usual bitchy self. Sunny days seem to be colder than cloudy ones. And we're actually at the stage where we have all four seasons in a day.

Only in the UK.

A friend and I were disscussing weather gods the other day, friend decided that the weather god in charge of the UK must be a woman. The friend who said this, of course, is male.

I shall now blame the weather for my constant state of pms.

But I'm a nice person. Really! =D

And I can always find other excuses besides piles of leaves not to go to class.

xx,
BakerGirl

This is not a fast-food joint.

Yes I work at a bar. Part time. The extra money helps.

CluelessCustomer: I'd like a Coke.

BakerGirl: Pint or 1/2 pint?

CluelessCustomer: Medium Coke.

BakerGirl: We only have pint and 1/2 pints.

CluelessCustomer: Oh. 1/2 pint then.

BakerGirl: *Trying to smile but probably grimacing* Any ice and lemon with that?

Ok, so maybe it's just a student union bar. But it's still a bar not a movie theatre concession stand. Not a McDs. Sheesh.

It's a bar, dammint. And I think it's a nice one too, for student standards.

xx,
BakerGirl

In training.

For a charity run in 2 weeks.

So cannot make it.

Went running with CrazyFitFriend who gradually left me behind in the dust while I feebly trailed along. There's a good reason why she's doing the 3 mile run while I'm only doing One Measly Mile.

I'm not buildt to run in the Great Outdoors with all of nature's elements in my face. The chilly breeze, the insects, the dust.

Give me a treadmill in an enviroment controlled gym with MTV blaring on the TV anytime.

Oh and some buff gym bunnies (of the male variety) to admire while I'm running wouldn't hurt.

Ass cramped. Now excuse me while I sit in a heap and pant.

xx,
BakerGirl

Aid your Presi!

Current ongoing SMS conversation with MinorRoyal:

MinorRoyal:I'm at Imperial. I am bored. Help me. Help me.
BakerGirl: You're in London. While I'm stuck at home. Hiding away from the evil winds that treathen to blow me away. Go party. Mingle. Something.
MinorRoyal: Don't know how to mingle. I'm scared. Save me. Brave the winds. Aid your Presi (which is apparently how he abbreviates president. Sheesh)
BakerGirl: Go away. Count hats or something.
MinorRoyal: There is one hat here. I'm done. I demand that you amuse me!
BakerGirl: Count ties. You'll have to walk around and mingle while you do that. Sort them by colour or something.

MinorRoyal: The first guy I went up got up a bit funny when I tried to feel up his tie. Didn't like me stroking it.
BakerGirl: I said COUNT. Not CARESS.
MinorRoyal: Oh. My mistake.
BakerGirl: ... Go away.

I am not a source of entertainment.

xx,
BakerGirl

It still blows.

The wind, that is.

Found this left on my messenger this morning.

MinorRoyal: Darling, if you're walking around campus this morning and happen to see any notebook pages with my writing flying about, pick them up and keep them for me.

Apparently a whole stack of papers blew away from him.

Fat chance that I'll come across any. The only place I'll be going to till the wind dies down is back to bed. So unless the pages decide to fly in through my window, they're left to journey the big bad world out there.

Crazy strong wind.

Maybe if I turn my heater up to high, lie down, and close my eyes, I can imagine I'm at a beach somewhere far away with the breeze blowing and waves crashing. It certainly sounds like it.

Either that, or a typhoon is headed this way.

xx,

BakerGirl

Bridge Addicts.

I think I might be in danger of becoming one. Might.

Too lethargic to be bothered right now, have left the rest downstairs to continue playing.

The tiramisu did perk me up for a while. But not enough to be socialble for hours on end.

Damned British weather, the wind is howling outside my window. Not a night to be out. I'd probably blow away.

What I need, is a hot mug of green tea and my reruns of F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

A warm body would be good too. But what are the chances. The one I want is thousands of miles away. A closer appoximant of 6557 miles or 10552 kilometres, according to WikiAnswers.

So it's just me, Patrick dog, hot tea and my reruns for now.

Goodnight. Sweet dreams.

xx,

BakerGirl

Brazilian Waxing.

My last wax was in November.

3 months ago.

I went today.

*Insert long list of explicit, heavily censored curses*

Yes it hurt. A lot.

I never learn. It's supposed to be done every six weeks. Sometimes I feel its a waste of money. Sometimes that I just don't want to spend the time at the salon. Sometimes I think to myself, "Is a brazilian really necessary?"

But eventually, I end up there all the same. And more often than not, it's after everything has grown back, and waxing hurts like hell.

*Shrugs*

Maybe I like the pain.

Now that's a way to start off a blog. Welcome to my world.

xx,

BakerGirl.